relieved.

i woke up at four am to a cover hog. one that forced me to move beds. she was sleeping so peaceful and oddly contorted and since i wasnt about to fight for what was originally mine, i moved beds and slept like a baby for another couple hours. 

the day was devoted to working, something that i surprisingly look forward to nowadays, primarily because i get to witness my dad completely in his element. he works harder than any person i know and even though hes under a lot of stress consistently, he always seems to hold it together. even after this huge ordeal with the red head. first of all, did he see my dad and grandpa? they might be nice but obviously he wanted to get them riled up for some reason. i dont know, i think i would have opted for another target, besides myself. and then he had the nerve to come back shortly after and get what was "rightfully his." i about crawled under the truck he was pressed up against for him. i thought it was too soon but obviously he didnt. of course that seems to be the trend with the ging, since the rouges struck again last week. red almost received serious pain from my dad but lucky for him he's still alive at least for now, in his jail cell. 

aside from that little tidbit, i guess working feels good, knowing that even if i am pathetic and completely reliant on my parents for everything, i can at least buy my own dollar tea every once in a while at the golden arches. 

today was a good day, even while attempting to remove the countless cobwebs and my hands were slowly producing blisters. ed sheeran was my artist of choice and in the process of getting lost in his beautiful rhapsodies i became lost in my own thoughts. something i havent done in a long time. i started to actually reflect on things that ive experienced lately without twenty other things on my mind to distract me. its something i struggle with. i always have to be doing something, my mind is always racing to do the next thing. but today there was none of that. it was the high ive been chasing all summer.  God works in the most strategic ways. sometimes he uses circumstances, sometimes people around you, and sometimes he has to shout (all which ive experienced in huge ways) to guide us, me especially, in the right direction. its the most amazing feeling to be a complete peace with life because He is in control of it. by giving it up, its out of my hands. He can do better anyway, im just lucky to be his tool. 

i am blessed. 

and completely relieved. 

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm.

old post:: 8.4.11

i feel like all i do on this blog anymore is vent but i just have to get it out somehow...i guess i could write in my journal. oh well. there are 16 days before i move back to school...and i can already feel the stress coming on. i just got an e-mail from my chem lab and research teacher telling us about the supplies we need and where to download the syllabus'?, syllabi? whatever. anyway...im not even done with my summer class which by the way i have a nervous system exam for tomorrow and guess who really hasnt looked over it. me. completely my fault once again. on top of this, ive lost my phone, which is in itself terrible. anyone who knows me will tell you that i am the worst person to misplace, lose, and find things. well last night and even today its caught up to me. all those times ive put things in completely random places and found them, well, my luck has ran out. i have searched and hunted but its no where to be found and its probably in the most obvious place. it will turn up eventually but as of right now, its on vaca.
i feel a little weird. i cant really explain it. its kinda like confusion, blessedness,  happiness, sadness, anxiety, and stress all mixed into one. last night was fun but it was kind of an out of body experience. it was nice to be treated like that but i can feel the negativity too. change is happening and i dont know how im supposed to take it. its all a little confusing. i question whether or not im growing up but then theres still that feeling of immaturity and the yearning of ignorance, because hey...its bliss. i miss it.
i know this post makes no sense, but im just trying to sort it all out. please feel free to graze over this one.

smiles all around.

this post is so old. like 7.30.2011 old but i never posted it. strange. looking back when this whole thing happened, it kind of makes me mad. i get frustrated when i think about it, which was in fact today, oddly enough. you want what you cant have. there are certain qualities that some people just have and well theres that.


the unexpected kinda happened and surprisingly it was quite enjoyable. the dark knight turned into a bust so takers was the better option. ive broken my since january streak, thanks goodness. and oh another is added to the list. and a little bit of middle school conversation to top it off....

"you gonna text me?"

"maybe. maybe not. are you gonna text me?"

"no."

"why not?"

"cause."

"cause why?"

"because you better text me."

i would say it was a pretty good night.
smiles all around.

incomplete mission.

mission: to find a shower curtain for our bathrooms. 

well mission impossible, so we bought panties instead. victoria secret, ive moved on. your panties are no longer cute. you've changed for the worse so guess what...aerie is my new found love. 7 for $25. ha, in your face! oh and there was a dare...

attempt one.

attempt three= success. 

after the trip to pizza hut with the frantic waitress, a nap on the way home, and work with cutest prego lady, a fam mexican trip was happeninnnnn.

then a first time experience racking tobacco (insert "racks" chorus) with the best was always a good thing, and i got to talk to the cutest grandpa ever. ahhh, hes lovely. 

nice shirt ashton.

this what just walked into katies room...

 shirt on backwards.

freaking funny.

when a little late turns into like an hour.

dressing like a thug "east carolinian." kid versus kid roundhouse kicks. douchebag remarks. chapel hill visor. losing three matches miserably. conversing about $50,000 souped-up mazdas, drag racing, the 4 to 1 ratio of women to men on the chapel hill campus, and the round-a-bout confession of a cheater. alison hookers shared loved for lunchables with me. watching rango, twice. three to four being the longest hour of my life with pre-k. diaphragm spasms, times four. 2.6 mile run attempting to keep up with two males, impossible. katie waiting on jackson to stop playing with cars at shazzam. crossing off riding in a jeep this summer on bucket list thanks to jackson. seriously, someone buy me a jeep. i will love you forever. joked about the drivers false purity ring on his gear shift. hung out with joe, katie, jackson, and thomas at cookout where fixing a milkshake and fries take forever. ran into (no pun intended) to one of the guys i was running behind today, one of ashton's old "bestfriends," and andrew. witnessing trash talking and the feeling of being uncomfortable. moment of stupidity where i looked over some height difference...i guess ill fix it later.
oh how im gonna miss summer nights and well just summer in general. with nothing to worry about except anatomy cramming on monday nights and work. im ready to go back to greenville though dont get me wrong but school, im not ready for you, at all. so feel free to take a long pause in coming. i wont be mad at cha.
oh added a favorite song to the top ten list...listen, it will change ya life.

putting it off.

before:

as you can tell my room is a wreck.
but thats nothing new.
ive finished cleaning my bathroom.
which to no surprise, was just as bad.
ive been watching friends for the past four hours.
literally.
and in my room so far ive organized my underwear drawer and my shoes.
ive cleaned up none of the mess pictured.
but this is what i do.
the things that are completely unnecessary are checked off of my list first.
i did not need to sort out my entire under-the-sink area, but i did.
i also did not need to refold all of my shorts, but that, i also did.
what i need to do is unpack from the beach.
and hang up the clothes that i hung up before i went to the beach.
but of course those things are placed on the back burner and done at the last minute.
i dont understand why i do these things.
but its in every aspect of my life.
from completing little projects due two weeks from that day before hard papers i have procrastinated on until the day before to cleaning, what i absolutely have to do, i do very last.
in a way im saving myself a few minutes from having to endure the one thing i dread doing.
i need to fix it.
but hey, lets face it, nothings going to change.
i might end up cleaning all of those clothes out of my floor since i slept sixteen hours last night.
and im not tired at all.
or maybe ill just lay in my bed and watch some more of season ten disk three.
we will see.
goodnight everyone.