golden afternoon.

today is just one of those days chill days. one where you wake up at nine, take a shower, and go work for your grandpa for a couple hours then go hang out with your wonderful grandma and cousin. throw in a nap and its a golden afternoon. do a couple nice things for your mother like fill up her gas tank and pick up a few groceries. but of course you go with one of your bests because you would rather slice your foot off than face that cold, aisled-filled building alone. eat some kfc that your fantastic mom picked up. watch half of season six of f.r.i.e.n.d.s. curled up with a blanket and paint your nails a red orange color just because you can. its one of those days you can get up and decide to run at 10 pm down your long, dark driveway but not be scared because middle school rap songs drown out the potential fears and the throbbing pain in your bum right leg. a day that soon turns into late night where you find yourself in a county mood, looking at numerous blogs, and playing the what if game. thinking about the future and just having time to yourself.   skyping about future roommates and finally getting to talk to one of them on facebook, which of course is extremely nerve-racking and intimidating but you pray that God will get you through it. a wonderful, much needed day.

i have plenty of things that i could blog about but i just can't even think about that...all i can think about is school. the one thing that has enveloped my life for the past year, the one thing that has prevented me from canceling plans because i couldn't get something done on time. the one thing that seems to never end. so here i am making my list of things i have GOT to complete before may 5th so here it goes....

-mastering chemistry chapter 11

-chemistry test on chapter 5,10, and 11

-exercise test

-cover letter for portfolio

-revise 2 papers

-health quizzes 

-honors exam 2

-exercise 2000 essay questions (3)

-chemistry final 

-chem lab final

-exercise 2000 final 

-honors final

-health 1000 final

then....summer. can't freaking wait.    

cooties.

Sometimes I wish that I was in second grade again. When boys had cooties and jealousy went only as far as wanting the new toy your best friend had. There were no rules to who you could and couldn't talk to and trusting someone was something you didn't second guess. But now that we have all grown up, there are lines that shouldn't be crossed and words between best friends that shouldn't have to be said, we should just know. I never thought that a choosing a guy over someone you said was your best friend was even an option. Because of this choice, I can't be trusted completely, which in one way I can completely understand but another way I resent because frankly, I don't deserve it. I hate jealousy more than any emotion a human could possibly have. It is something I think about all the time, although I wish it never existed. It makes one question whether they are good enough or not and makes people start to question relationships they have invested their whole heart into. I'm not much for sacrificing things that I have worked so hard to maintain. Some things just blow my mind.

rambling.

so in my effort to complete avoid studying chemistry and little girl blasting "stereo love" and "love me of hate me," i decided to ramble. umm our glade air freshener is almost out...imma have to go buy some soon! gas prices are absolutely ridiculous especially in g-ville...i mean $3.23? thats a lil' steep for my liking. im going to the beach tomorrow. whoop whoop. i have a lip ring and ya know what...i kinda like it. ive started to be a less ignorant when it comes to certain issues like race and culture in general. god is good. i miss how things used to be between k.s.m.t. and i. im not good at patience. i miss high school sports and all of my teammates, real bad. little girl and i are on an intramural softball team and even though its not the same, it will keep me entertained. chemistry is hard, and i am really jealous of anyone who is good at it. i am still in love, saying i miss him a lot is an understatement. i see at least one of his friends everyday and well it makes my stomach drop if i see anyone who at first glance looks like him. that happened twice today by the way. i want a pair of printed toms. i like notes little girl leaves on the dry erase board, they make my morning. i forgot how much i liked lunchables. i hate doing dishes. i wish i remembered my dreams. we need curtains. my favorite tank top would have to be my hunter green or black one. did you know that if you dont have an acl you can push your tibia forward? i made a 96 on my kinesiology test and our class didnt have a curve. younglife is awesome. and yes this is how my brain works. whirlwind. im kinda tired, i guess imma go to bed now. 

oh and i cant wait to hang out with these awesome people this weekend. 

sls and krm.

Tonight in college life we talked about people we associate ourselves with and who we choose to let into our bubble so to speak. After thinking maybe a second, I think its pretty obvious. Just look at number 2 and 3 on my speed dial, the ones with the stars beside their name in my phone, the ones who were both number one on my recent calls and texts lists for today, the ones who surround my room in the many pictures I have, the ones I think about on a regular basis if anything exciting happens, the ones I vent to, the ones I seek advice from, the ones who have seen me at my worst but at the same time my best, the ones who have encouraged me to push myself to be a better person even if it means telling my what I don't want to hear, the ones that listen and honestly care, the ones I can mess up with, the ones that know everything about me, my other 2/3, the ones I have the most fun with, the ones I have the most inside jokes with, the ones I call to just drive around, the ones I have the most meaningful memories with, and most importantly, the ones I share my love for God with.These are the girls who I consider my backbone, my support system, my strength, shoulders to cry on,  I could go on forever. I thank God putting them in my life and giving me the opportunity to call them my best friends. Without them my walk with God would definitely not be as strong. Yes, I question God more often as I should but they are there to reassure me that we don't have to have all the answers all the time. I fall and they are there to help me up, there to talk me through it and whether it be mixed with tears or laughter I know they will be there with the words I need to hear. All of us have different personalities and somehow we just seem to fit together perfectly. 

"Two are better than one,because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

-Ecclesiastics 4: 9-12

I suppose after the last couple of weeks with some hard-core soul searching, asking questions, and witnessing things that I never in a million years thought would change, my thoughts are kind of everywhere. I guess I have kind of taken advantage of the fact that I have such wonderful people in my life and being blessed with a friendship that can't be broken. I love y'all with all of my heart. 

"I thank my God every time I remember you."

-Philippians 1:3

like cold is the absence of heat.

go read this. 

chemistry.

chemistry sucks and 

 i have an insane jealousy issue. 
the end.