relieved.

i woke up at four am to a cover hog. one that forced me to move beds. she was sleeping so peaceful and oddly contorted and since i wasnt about to fight for what was originally mine, i moved beds and slept like a baby for another couple hours. 

the day was devoted to working, something that i surprisingly look forward to nowadays, primarily because i get to witness my dad completely in his element. he works harder than any person i know and even though hes under a lot of stress consistently, he always seems to hold it together. even after this huge ordeal with the red head. first of all, did he see my dad and grandpa? they might be nice but obviously he wanted to get them riled up for some reason. i dont know, i think i would have opted for another target, besides myself. and then he had the nerve to come back shortly after and get what was "rightfully his." i about crawled under the truck he was pressed up against for him. i thought it was too soon but obviously he didnt. of course that seems to be the trend with the ging, since the rouges struck again last week. red almost received serious pain from my dad but lucky for him he's still alive at least for now, in his jail cell. 

aside from that little tidbit, i guess working feels good, knowing that even if i am pathetic and completely reliant on my parents for everything, i can at least buy my own dollar tea every once in a while at the golden arches. 

today was a good day, even while attempting to remove the countless cobwebs and my hands were slowly producing blisters. ed sheeran was my artist of choice and in the process of getting lost in his beautiful rhapsodies i became lost in my own thoughts. something i havent done in a long time. i started to actually reflect on things that ive experienced lately without twenty other things on my mind to distract me. its something i struggle with. i always have to be doing something, my mind is always racing to do the next thing. but today there was none of that. it was the high ive been chasing all summer.  God works in the most strategic ways. sometimes he uses circumstances, sometimes people around you, and sometimes he has to shout (all which ive experienced in huge ways) to guide us, me especially, in the right direction. its the most amazing feeling to be a complete peace with life because He is in control of it. by giving it up, its out of my hands. He can do better anyway, im just lucky to be his tool. 

i am blessed. 

and completely relieved.