emotional annoyance.

hey you-
its been way to long.
i cant even remember when i heard your voice last.
it was probably the recording on your voicemail.
things feel kinda hopeless.
but maybe ill run into you one day.
kinda one of those random, awkward encounters.
that neither one of us expects.
where my face gets red and my stomach is in knots.
one of those best and worst feelings all at the same time.
it will be fun.
i hope you're doing alright.
and not the fake, "yeah im fine."
but i honestly hope you're happy.
and you're family is okay.
even taylor, jordan, elizabeth, and ethan.
tell them i said hello.
ya know, it's kinda hard for me.
not to call you or text you or message you.
and i don't know how to fix it.
i know it gets on your nerves.
i mean honestly who would want that.
but i'm working on it.
our songs still remind me of you.
i have to turn them occasionally because its too hard.
and as much as i hate that i do it,
i still look for your car at your house.
i can't help but to glance.
i sometimes even go out  of my way to go past your mom's house.
am i crazy?
it's definitely a possibility.
oh well.
i don't wish this on anyone. 
my heart hurts for you,
on repeat.
i breakdown sometimes.
and question God's plan.
but i know things will work out the way they are supposed to.
i miss us though.
i miss you.
i miss everything.
and guess what...